Broken heart blues

No, I haven't been jilted by a lover. My heart isn't aching of a nostalgic sentiment. For the first time in 54 years, I literally face death's beckoning finger and mocking grin. Of course, I know fear of an earthly end to life is what it is...an earthly thing. Once it's done, like the reversal of birth, a sucking back up into the vacuum from which we came, it's over...pain done...aches unmentionable and vanished...family ties lost without anguish.

No, my heart has literally betrayed me. Or, I've betrayed my heart. Whichever part of the circle you want to step onto and follow.

There is the left chamber. They say it is the most important, though the entire heart is important. My left chamber is infected with a virus that has, somehow, caused a Left Bundle Branch Block that has reduced my "ejection fraction" rate to half that of normal. This means the oxygenized blood I should be receiving throughout my body, is not coming in the proper amounts and in a reliably continuous fashion, and the result is Congestive Heart Failure.

What I wonder is whether they are telling me everything. Is it possible I could die at any time? My GP, Dr. Gaston Perez says I will be ok. That they rebuild some of the tissue and strengthen my heart with the right meds. So far, things HAVE improved. The EF has come up from 35 percent to mid forties according to the echo tech yesterday. My BP has dropped from 130 something over 80 or so, to 102 over 60 or so. That is good news, I know.

I have changed my life. I have moved out into the countryside (marshside to be more exact) in a small small town (seems like a village) and have simplified to the point of almost no belongings. Why bother my children with excess baggage? I have my Yorkie and my Bengal cat for company. They are just right. They love me to pieces and stay by my side as if they know I won't be around forever. They are Dionna and Diego in that order.

I like my life. I loved my job until Thursday and Friday when external (and I believe evil) forces attacked and I was cruelly treated and wrongfully accused and I am not happy about that. It stressed me, but I was prepared for the meetings that I knew weren't going to go my way despite that I was correct on every count. I was calm, non-angry, unruffled. That pissed the evil parties off, even more.

Why do evil people exist to make our lives difficult? They are sent to attack us every day. Rattle us. Make us fall. But I do not believe I fell. I believe I stood victorious and my angels were there to prove it and Allah is my witness and my strength.

So, today I look at the gray sky, the yard puddle the size of a small lagoon, and the dripping draping Spanish moss from the Sentry Oak rooted deeply into the lot next door, and say to myself, tomorrow is another day. Calmate' mi Corazon.